What Potential Members need to know before saying "YES"

What's the most important thing we make sure Potential Members know before saying "yes" to a bid? T.J. Sullivan answers this question. Please visit his blog and check out all of his posts, they are fantastic!
http://apathymyth.blogspot.com/



You Are Always Wearing Your Letters

You're interested in joining our fraternity? We'd love to have you. You're the type of person we look for: committed, enthusiastic, a leader. We think you'll do great things here, and we hope that we'll open some doors for you. You will make lifelong friendships, and hopefully, you'll be the type of person whose positive impact will be felt here for many years.

This is the start of something really cool.

We know you have your reasons for joining, and we also know that the reasons you'll stay will be entirely different. Trust us on that one. People tend to join for the image, the props, and the social stuff. They stay around for the friendships and because they find a place where they can impact the lives of others. It's a family. We know this. Soon, you will, too.

Soon, these letters will be yours. But, there's one lesson that we need to impress upon you before you sign your name on the dotted line, pay that first fee, and get that first t-shirt. It's the single most important thing we're going to ask of you, so you need to listen and understand it, now, before you say "yes."

It's the one most important thing that any fraternity or sorority can impress upon its new members. It's the one lesson that every group must impress upon its newest members. Truly, our survival as an organization on this campus, and nationwide, depends on you understanding this one simple lesson and taking it to heart.

It's more important than our history, our traditions, our structure, or our rules. Because, if you don't understand this most fundamental lesson, then none of the other stuff will matter. If you don't get this one "golden rule of fraternity," then your son or daughter won't have this kind of organization to join someday, and all of this will just be a fuzzy memory.

Here it is. Ready?

From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.

I'm going to repeat it.

From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.

We're not talking about t-shirts, or sweatshirts, or hats made in the colors of the group. We're not talking about a tattoo on your ankle, some party favor, or a badge you wear on your dress shirt.

What we mean is that when you say yes to lifetime membership in this group, everything you say, do and represent from that moment forward is a direct reflection on this group, your brothers, and the thousands of members who have come before you. Everything you put out to the world is a direct reflection of this fraternity. Every decision, every achievement, every mistake you make happens to all of us from this point forward.

When you go to the grocery store, you represent us. If you fall asleep in class or earn a weak grade, you represent us. When you drive down the road and slow down so a pedestrian can cross the street, you represent us.

When you turn 21 and hit the town, you represent us. When you become a leader of another campus organization, you represent us. When you insult someone or talk badly about another fraternity, you represent us. When you break up with someone and make decisions about how you behave during that difficult time, you represent us. When you go on Spring Break, you represent us.

When you go home and sit at your mother's dining room table, you represent us. When you get a job and go to work for a company or organization, you represent us. When you commit your life to that special person, someday, you represent us.

You are always wearing your letters.

From this day forward, always. Every day, in every situation. They never come off.

As surely as if you tattooed these letters on your forehead. It doesn't matter if you're wearing a jersey with our name on it, or a business suit at an interview. You have to assume that every person you meet will form a permanent opinion about fraternities – good or bad – based on how you interact with them. Every good thing you do builds us up. Every dumb thing you do tears us down.

We live in a time when the actions of one man or one woman can kill a group like ours. One person who acts in a way that is inconsistent with our shared values can end a hundred years of tradition and pride. One choice you make on a Friday night can take away everything that generations of men have worked to build.

All the stuff you see that belongs to us can be boxed up or thrown out, because of the choices you make.

If this seems a little intense, that's good. Because it's serious. If it sounds like too much responsibility, or if you don't think you can behave in a way that reflects well on us at all times, then walk away now. Do us the favor. We won't think less of you. In fact, we'll thank you. This sort of commitment isn't for everybody.

But, don't say yes unless you understand.

We're not asking you to give up anything. We aren't asking you to become something you aren't. We're asking you to become something more. We're inviting you to become part of a group of men who make a promise to take care of each other, every day. We're asking you to become the very best version of you that you can be.

We're asking you to take a leap of maturity and to go to that place where you're the same, honorable, dignified person on Saturday night as you are on Tuesday morning.

It's a big deal, and not everyone can do it. Forget everything you've heard up to this point. Forget how much you might desire this, or how much we might want to bring you into the group. Just clear your mind and ask yourself one question.

Are you ready to never take them off?

Because when you say yes, you're not just putting letters on a sweatshirt. You're putting them in your heart. You're forever stamping your identity with them. Everything you are, from this point on, becomes who we are.

You will make mistakes, and brothers will remind you of your commitment. There will be times where you will see other brothers forgetting their promise, and you'll need to remind them. That's part of this whole "fraternity" thing. We work together to make ourselves better men who stand for something. We carry each other. We matter to one another.

If we're doing fraternity right, then we'll make you a better man. If you're doing everything right, then you will make us a better organization.

So, please think about it. Take it seriously.

Because if you say yes, these letters belong to you as surely as they belonged to our founders. If you say yes, these letters become your responsibility forever.

That's the promise.


- T.J Sullivan CEO, Campuspeak

Building a Spiritual Brotherhood

No surprise here - I've been on the road all week. I started at a brand new interest group at Minnesota State University, Mankato and have spent the last two days at our colony at University of South Dakota. This colony is doing really well. The men are very smart, fun, down to earth, and they really live the mission and vision of the Fraternity. Being so new, they struggle with what most new colonies struggle with - their identity. This led to many great conversations with their members tonight and I felt inspired to share some thoughts from our discussions in hopes of comments from the brotherhood.

I often ask how you can sell a product if you don't know anything about it. If I were a car salesman but I didn't know how to turn on the headlights of the car, what kind of gas it took, or where the spare tire was - you would think I was an idiot and this was a hidden camera show. This applies to recruiting men for a chapter when you have no idea who you are or what you are looking for. How can you recruit members when you don't know what you are? It's a struggle and sometimes leads to a difficult conversation. Today the conversation centered around something that I have talked with more Phi Kaps about in the last 3 months then I have over my entire life... spirituality. Let me start off by saying that I have never met a Phi Kap that was not welcoming of any and all religions and our organization does not discriminate. However, for marketing and recruitment purposes, how do we sell ourselves? Are we "the Catholic Fraternity" or are we "a Fraternity with high ideals, moral standards, and that fosters spiritual exploration?" It seems that this is something that many of our chapters struggle with as well. What if you walk the walk but don't talk the talk? There are many people out there who live the same values that we expect our members to live but they may not necessarily identify with being Catholic. Do we scare them away with the Catholic label? Should we push our Catholic heritage in recruitment and marketing to fill a niche or void in our communities? How do we create a balance? I know that University of San Diego and Nebraska have successfully sustained themselves as strong groups who are very connected spiritually. How did they do it? How can we take what they have done and help our other chapters and colonies accomplish the same comfort with our heritage and how we fit into our respective Greek communities? How do you create a diverse group while still serving society, Fraternity, and GOD?

Life Lessons - Living in Fear

More often than not I think we all live in fear. Sadly, I think too often we make decisions out of fear instead of out of the desire to make said decisions. I find I'm struggling with fear in my non-work life and it makes an interesting transition into being a member of a Greek organization. People "Go Greek" because they want to feel like they are a part of a greater something and to feel accepted. That's often the same reason people gravitate towards athletic teams, churches, or any other kind of group. You enjoy the topic, it's relevant to you, and you enjoy feeling like you are a part of something bigger.


If we think about recruitment we often forget to ask people to join our organizations because we are afraid to get the "no." We take "no" so personally, even though they are not refusing us, just membership into our organizations. We are all afraid of rejection because we think it will make us look stupid so we would then, feel stupid. Think of all the other things in every day life that we don't do because of fear. We don't take risks. We don't enjoy life to it's fullest. We don't stop and live in the moment because we think too much about the repercussions of our actions. I'm not saying you should make irrational decisions by any means, but I think we could all benefit from a little less fear and a little more confidence.


Sean Stevenson is a brilliant man, and if you have never heard him speak before - you need to. He talked once about this concept of "Crazy Eights." Basically, it's the insane emotional rollercoaster that we send ourselves through over and over and over because we let our feelings run our lives instead of taking control of how we feel. Ask those men to join the Fraternity. Go over and sit at a table with people you don't know and get to know them (Step one of the five step recruitment model). Challenge yourself to do something great. Don't let fear run your life or dictate the decisions you make.